We all go through hard times. Whether it’s health or relationships, money, family or even social upheaval and turmoil. It is ok to struggle sometimes. It’s what makes people interesting. It’s what gives them the impetus to make powerful and meaningful changes. But it is our response to struggle that defines us–not the struggle itself.

One of the most inspiring (even if it was so glaringly realistic as to be a bit disheartening) books I’ve ever read is Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s Antifragile.

Taleb points out that unexpected things happen, not only in our lives but just simply in the world. It might be an economic downturn, or a natural disaster, or losing your job. But one of the only things you can truly count on in this world is that it changes. The question becomes: How do you respond to unexpected changes?

Do you break? If so, you are fragile. Do you stay strong and power through? If so, you are robust. Do you learn, grow and surpass yourself? If so, you are Antifragile.

Imagine this metaphor from the old Greek mythologies. Perhaps you’ve heard of the Phoenix, a mythical creature, a fiery bird that, even though it is destroyed, it rises from its own ashes just as beautiful and as strong as before. The Phoenix is often thought of as a model for how to deal with struggle. If faced with hardship, just pull up your bootstraps and carry on. Be robust.

But Taleb’s point is that the Phoenix isn’t good enough. Take another Greek mythological creature: the Hydra. If you remember, it is the multi-headed dragon-like creature. It’s most interesting feature is that if one of it’s heads is cut off, it grows two more in its place. Hurting the Hydra only makes it stronger. It is Antifragile.

Fragile, robust and antifragile people show up in my practice every day. And you don’t have to be a doctor to relate, as these types of people are all around us. And it’s not so black & white. Some people are fragile in some ways, but robust in others. Some are antifragile in one aspect of life, but fragile in another. We all carry all of these characteristics. But for the purpose of example:

The tragedy of the victim

You see this often in my field–the proud victim. For some, being sick is a badge of honor. It distinguishes them among their friends and family. Their affliction makes them unique. It gets them attention and special treatment.

What it really does is keep them sick. If they actually got better, where would that leave their identity?

Maintaining

Many patients simply want to stay where they are. They just don’t want things to get worse. They want pain management or to get to where they were before their car accident. And when they feel better, they sort of disappear. And we miss them!

The “3 Percenters”

Some people walk into my clinic broken, sick and clinging to hope. And they leave stronger, smarter and more equipped to live happy, fulfilling lives than they ever were before. And it wasn’t me that did it. It was them!

I’ve seen Alzheimer’s patients regain their ability to think clearly. I’ve seen diabetics become… non-diabetic. I’ve seen people lose half of themselves in fat. I’ve seen cancer patients come back from the brink. I’ve seen people who never thought they wouldn’t be in pain feel ready to take on the world.

These are the Antifragile people of the world. And we can all do it.

There’s a relatively new phenomenon of psychological study now being termed “post-traumatic growth.” We’ve all heard of post-traumatic stress, most often in reference to soldiers coming back from combat zones. This is indeed a difficult thing to see.

But we’re starting to find and acknowledge the antifragile in all of us. According to our very own University of North Carolina at Charlotte Psychology Department, post-traumatic growth manifests itself in five ways:

• Sometimes people who must face major life crises develop a sense that new opportunities have emerged from the struggle, opening up possibilities that were not present before.
• Some people experience closer relationships with some specific people, and they can also experience an increased sense of connection to others who suffer.
• Some people experience an increased sense of one’s own strength – “if I lived through that, I can face anything”
• Some people experience a greater appreciation for life in general.
• Some individuals experience a deepening of their spiritual lives.

Fascinating indeed!

But none of these are quite “Antifragile.” Take your setbacks and your struggles and turn them into greater power, strength, control and growth. This is an intensely personal and individual experience, and I highly recommend Taleb’s book.

No one wants to be fragile–that’s easy enough to understand. But many of us want to be the Phoenix. I say forget the Phoenix and rising from your ashes just as before. Be the hydra.